


never meant

by girlonthelasttrain



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, How to deal with Rejection, Light Angst, Mention of past Julian/Ezri, Miscommunication, Pining, Post-Break Up, Prompt Fic, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-07 21:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20462342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlonthelasttrain/pseuds/girlonthelasttrain
Summary: The lights go up again and Jadzia sits back on the floor, still holding the useless blue chip in her hands. A loud bang followed by a cracking noise makes her jolt in surprise. Kira’s fist has landed on the console in front of her, and there’s a fissure right below it. Before Jadzia can say a word, Kira stands up and leaves the holographic runabout without sparing her a single glance.Jadzia and Kira's teamwork isn't what it used to be. Written for the prompt "starfleet mandated trust/efficiency exercise group class after a failed performance review".





	never meant

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt challenge I organize on my discord server, for the prompt "starfleet mandated trust/efficiency exercise group class after a failed performance review". I didn't follow it to letter, but this idea wouldn't let go, so here it is. Unbetaed, all mistakes mine.
> 
> The fic is a slight canon divergence of Season 4, set right after "Crossfire".

“_Warp field collapse in twenty seconds._”

“Damn, I know that!” Jadzia mutters as she frantically adjusts the antimatter injectors again. “How are you doing with the helm?” She shouts to her side, over the alarms blaring all over the runabout’s console.

“It’s not responding,” Kira replies. She is sitting on the edge of her seat, jaw contracted in the effort of keeping the runabout from exploding. “I can’t transfer the commands to manual!”

“Let me try!”

“_Warp field collapse in ten seconds._”

“Oh shut up,” Jadzia says through her teeth, reaching down under the console to swap the isolinear chips that control the helm. “Try it now!”

“Still not responding! Dax, we’re not going to make it.”

“There’s still time!”

“_Warp field collapse imminent._”

As Jadzia extracts the antimatter flux chip from its slot, the lights in the cabin go out, leaving them both in the dark.

“_The warp field has collapsed, destroying the runabout and killing its occupants. Training exercise failed._”

The lights go up again and Jadzia sits back on the floor, still holding the useless blue chip in her hands. A loud bang followed by a cracking noise makes her jolt in surprise. Kira’s fist has landed on the console in front of her, and there’s a fissure right below it. Before Jadzia can say a word, Kira stands up and leaves the holographic runabout without sparing her a single glance.

* * *

“What is going on, Dax?”

Jadzia covers her eyes with a hand. She wishes there was an explanation that wouldn’t disappoint Benjamin. “I think I’m just tired, after a week of test after test.”

“And yet, you didn’t have a problem this morning with Chief O’Brien.”

“I know.”

Benjamin is pacing the breadth of the Captain’s office. “You and the major are the last pair of officers who needs to pass this efficiency evaluation.” He stops to look at Jadzia in the eye. It’s hard to maintain eye contact, Jadzia wasn’t lying about the exhaustion. “Even the major and Worf had no problem passing with flying colors. I don’t understand what is happening here. Five attempts, all failed? This isn’t like you, either of you.”

Jadzia exhales before replying. “I will talk to Kira, and tomorrow we will pass the test.”

“I really hope you do, because otherwise we’ll have Internal Affairs showing up.” He pauses. “And I don’t like that this is making me having doubts about my two most trusted officers. I need to be able to rely on both of you, especially with the Klingons still so heavily involved in the sector.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. This will be resolved by tomorrow, I promise.”

Benjamin’s scrutiny is unwavering in its intensity. “Alright then. Dismissed.”

Walking out the Captain’s offices, Jadzia wishes she felt half as confident as her words to Benjamin were. She briskly crosses Ops, not even stopping to look at her station before getting onto the turbolift.

It’s going to be hard seeing Kira after the afternoon they’d just had.

* * *

The doors open to reveal Kira standing right on the other side. As soon as she sees Jadzia, her lips flatten in a thin line.

“It’s you.”

“We need to talk.”

Kira looks away, her whole body tensing like she’s restraining herself from taking further action. “Yeah. Maybe we need to.”

Kira lets Jadzia in. Her quarters haven’t changed much since the last time Jadzia was here. It hasn’t been that long, either, only two weeks, but it could be very well be a memory from another host.

Kira flops down on her couch, gesturing for Jadzia to sit in front of her in one of the chairs.

“I talked to Benjamin,” Jadzia says, looking down at her own linked hands. “We can’t afford to fail any more of the tests.”

Kira rolls her eyes. “I figured. Five critical failures in row— it could be a Starfleet record.”

“I could pass those tests in my sleep at this point, they’re just a formality,” Jadzia says. “And you had no problem passing them either. Until you got paired with me.” She pointedly looks at Kira before continuing. “We used to be the best team on the station, and now we’re failing standard Starfleet tests.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?”

“Nerys, please.”

Kira closes her eyes, then turns her head away. Apparently Jadzia will have to figure out what the problem is on her own.

“I told you I’m fine with you and Shakaar. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do to prove it to you.”

Kira shakes her head. “You don’t have to prove anything. I’m not upset with you.”

“Then why do you keep shutting me out?” Jadzia retorts, her voice raising despite her efforts to keep calm.

Kira jolts up from the couch, like the question was an electric discharge fired in her direction. She still isn’t facing Jadzia. “I’m trying not to! It’s just hard, ok?”

“What exactly is hard about this?”

Kira turns to glare at her. “Are you really going to play dumb?”

“If that’s what it takes to make you _speak_ to me, then yes I am,” Jadzia replies coldly.

“Oh for—” Kira tilts her head back, eyes closed and lips pressed together, then straightens up and turns towards Jadzia. “I wish things had gone differently, ok? I wish I didn’t have to choose between you and him.”

Jadzia breathes in and out, knowing she can’t respond with the first thing that comes to mind, or she would be asking Kira ‘you could’ve chosen me instead, and we wouldn’t be having this discussion’. Heartbreak never gets easier with each lifetime, it’s always different every single time. She wishes they’d had explained that while she was in the Initiate Program.

“I wish things had gone differently as well,” Jadzia says.

In another universe, she’d go to Kira’s quarters for reasons a lot more pleasant than trying to pick up the pieces of their friendship after an ill-timed confession and the subsequent rejection.

“At least you admit it,” Kira retorts. “That you regret it, how it all went down.”

“Of course I regret it! Did you think it was just a joke to me?”

“The way you’ve been these past weeks— like nothing happened at all—”

Jadzia is speechless, mouth half open as she tries to grapple with what Kira is saying. “Nerys, I had to pretend everything was fine. I wouldn’t be able to keep working at your side, and with everyone else too, if I didn’t do it. Just because I learned to dissimulate well a couple of lifetimes ago it doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything. And believe me, _nothing_ about this is easy,” Jadzia continues, in a low voice. “Do you think I don’t wish, every day, that I’d come to you sooner? But I waited too long, and now I have to live with it.”

Kira looks over at her, her eyes shining in the fluorescent lights of her quarters. “We really screwed up this time, didn’t we.”

Jadzia nods. “I’m sorry.” She won’t mention to Kira that she still feels the same way as two weeks ago, and if Kira just said the right words, they could still have a chance together. Instead, Jadzia stands up and walks to Kira’s side.

“More than anything, I want us to be friends again. I can’t bear to continue like this. We can’t even pilot a runabout together anymore apparently,” Jadzia adds, in a lighter tone.

The corners of Kira’s mouth curl up at the small joke. “It’s really embarrassing, you’re right.” She looks up at Jadzia. “It will take time for things to go back to the way they were.”

“I know it’s going to be awkward. But maybe we can start with passing these damn tests tomorrow morning, and see how things go from there?”

“That seems reasonable enough,” Kira replies with a nod.

And with the way Kira is smiling at her now, Jadzia is more than willing to put aside all her doubts and hurt feelings and believe that things will be fine again between them.

* * *

“This is ridiculous.”

Ezri winces. When Kira starts pacing in the Captain’s office it’s never a good sign.

“Seven failed attempts at a runabout test? Seriously?”

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault,” Ezri says. “It’s just that I’m so tired of this evaluation. The nausea just gets worse every time I’m in that runabout.”

Kira stops in her tracks, a scowl on her face. “I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that you failed the test when paired with Dr. Bashir.”

Ezri closes her eyes. She has been dreading this for a while now. Well, since she and Julian broke up, actually. “It has probably everything to do with that.”

Kira rolls her eyes, heads back behind her desk and sits down on the chair. “Ezri, the situation between you and Julian has to change. I can’t have you unable to work with each other, and I am disappointed that I even have to say this. You’re a Starfleet counselor, you should be able to deal with conflict better than this.”

“You are right. I’ll talk to Julian, and we’ll both do better from now on.”

“It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to what you’re going through, but—”

“No, you’re right,” Ezri interrupts, shaking her head. “No matter how badly we broke things off, we still have to work with each other. I just didn’t want to confront him.”

“Then do it, sooner rather than later preferably. You have to be able to pilot a runabout together within the week, or we’ll have Starfleet sending actual people to evaluate our performance. I know you can do it.”

“Of course. You can count on it.”

Ezri raises from her chair, but a sudden thought prevents her from moving away from the desk. Away from Kira.

“Yes?” Kira asks, as soon as she notices Ezri staring.

_Did you ever regret it? Choosing Shakaar over me?_

“I don't know if things will ever go back to what they were between me and Julian,” Ezri says, crushing down her straying thoughts. “I mean, I’m sure we will be able to work together again, but probably not much more than that.”

Kira sits back on her chair, watching Ezri intently before replying. “Things might never go back to what they used to be, but you _will_ regret it if you don’t at least try to patch things up. And who knows,” she adds, a small smile on her lips, “maybe you’ll find out that you can be even better friends after what you’ve been through.”

Ezri nods, suddenly aware that there are tears in her eyes. “I will keep that in mind,” she says softly, hoping her voice is steady enough.

Before walking out the Captain’s office Ezri can’t help but turn again towards Kira. “You know, I’m glad we stayed friends as well, despite everything,” she blurts out.

Kira raises her head to look at her, eyes wide. Her expression softens. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG9VhC0hiTg)
> 
> So lets just pretend   
Everything and   
Anything between you and me   
Was never meant


End file.
